The Colour of Love
by Oxygen.and.Cucumber
Summary: She was White. I was Black. She was innocent and pure. I was her complement, cold and dark and I'd have given her my heart if I thought she wouldn't throw it back at me "If looks could kill; I didn't want to find out" EDITING IN PROGRESS: CHAPTER 1-2 DONE
1. Dreams

**The Colour of Love**

**Edward's POV**

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Black. The colour of power, elegance, mystery, aggression... and everything I was.

White. The colour of light, goodness, innocence, purity... and everything she was.

_"They say opposites attract…"_

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**Summary: **_She was White. I was Black. She was innocent and pure. I was her complement... cold and dark... and I'd have given her my heart, if I thought she wouldn't throw it back at me. 'If looks could kill... I didn't want to find out.'_ - _Edward's POV of 'Red'_

**Inspiration: **_To Bella, Edward seems arrogant and over confident, but inside, he just doesn't have a clue how to tell her what he feels._

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**Chapter 1**

**Dreams**

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_Monday, 8.30am_

"Mr Cullen," she hissed towards me, her voice still soft despite the venom lingering behind it. Her shoes clicked seductively against the office tiles – black, high heeled shoes – ones that I'd imagined during far too many lonely nights.

That was, if shoes could click seductively. Regardless, she certainly looked seductive _in _them.

I tried to keep the smile off my face as I nodded once towards me.

_Cullen, stop staring. _My thoughts warned, and my eyes shot back to the papers as I struggled – _yet again_ – to ignore her. But somehow, the part of my brain that never co-operated with me wanted to keep her in the room for a little longer.

"Miss Swan," the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. "I want your report on my desk by lunch time." As I waited for her brown eyes to turn back to mine, my heart thudded erratically beneath my chest.

"You're kidding, right?"

_She still hadn't turned around._

"Lunch time, Miss Swan," I said again. _Please turn around._

"Are you trying to kill me?" her question was bitter, but for once, I barely even noticed it. She'd turned around. She was looking at me. "Because if so, you are doing a bloody good job of it." Her brown eyes were beautiful.

Her glare intensified, almost as if she could hear me. I smirked at that thought. There was no harm in some teasing – _subtle flirtation_ – as I'd started referring to it as. I leaned forward on my desk, trying to close the distance between us, even if it was only by a small margin.

"Do you have a problem with that deadline?"

"I have issues with a lot of _things_," she implied, locking her eyes with mine. The gesture was consuming. I could barely even hear her words. "You gave me that report just two days ago, and it's due in tomorrow evening. You've now moved the deadline to this morning, which is when I'm supposed to be attending an interview for the actual report." She paused to take a breath, her red lips forming a smooth oval shape. "Yes, I have a problem with that deadline!"

"I changed your interview." Thank God she didn't need a longer answer. Watching her eyes alight with anger, and her hands creating two tight fists as she stared across at me, her body tense and poised, my attention wasn't the most focused of things.

Especially when she licked her lips subconsciously after talking.

She took a deep breath and crossed her arms over her shirt. There were two buttons undone, leaving a rather nice view. All I had to do was look down a little...

"You changed my schedule?"

_Look at her face Cullen. _"That's what I'm trying to tell you."

"Without asking me?"

I smiled again towards her, my eyes moving over the tense line of her jaw to the hurt in her eyes. It wasn't obvious, and far too often she tried to hide it. But I knew what to expect. I knew her. "I'm telling you now. You have an interview in just over twenty minutes. After that, _Michael _wants to give you a speech on his report which you said you'd write for him. God knows why."

Michael fucking Newton. _You're jealous. Again. _

Crazy, jealous and for some stupid reason, in love. It sounded pathetic; to be in love with a woman who wouldn't even look at you twice. I'd spent a good two years trying to deny that fact, trying to tell myself that this fascination, this... fixation was merely lust. I thought it was because she was the one woman to say _no_.

But every day she walked out of that elevator, I found myself wishing different things. I didn't just want her body, I wanted her voice. I didn't want to see her, I wanted to feel her. I didn't just want to touch her, I wanted to reach out and hold her face. I wanted to run my fingers over those bright red lips.

I was like a young boy in kindergarten. One who didn't understand his own feelings. One who fought against them and in his own confusion, became angry at her for causing them. He would make her hate him.

The problem was that I _did _understand my own feelings. I just had a slight problem acting on them.

"You-"

I cut her off before she could finish. "And then you have, I'd say, around two hours to write, before the report is to be handed in, on my desk, at no later than 12 o'clock. Are we clear Miss Swan? Or is there something you don't _quite _approve of in your schedule?"

I shouldn't have said that.

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew I'd gone too far. It seemed to be a habit of mine. But I was at a loss – how to treat her, how to be around her, how to act just as work colleagues when all the while I was deeply, and inexplicably in love with her.

Her fingers unlocked from the fists they'd formed into, and her red lips tightened into a forced smile. She nodded once towards me – the gesture too formal and cold for my liking. She was hiding her anger. "The report will be on your desk at 11 o'clock, one hour earlier than you suggested. I'm then going to call the people in the interview and cancel because I have all the information I need, so meeting up is unnecessary. Then, I'm going to take that time to finish writing your report _and _Michael's." Her smile widened innocently, and my own fists clenched. Her eyes were raging with anger. "Is that alright Mr Cullen? Or is there something you don't _quite _approve of in my schedule?"

Before I could reply, she stormed into her office and slammed the door behind her.

All I did was re-arrange her schedule. _And what does that say about yourself? Controlling? Arrogant?_

I heard her throw her briefcase onto the desk, followed by the creak in the chair as she reclined back. I could picture the frustration in her eyes towards me.

She was angry at me. _She hates you. _But I love her.

_Cullen, that's when you tell her. Stop acting like a conceited asshole who's too good for her. Be vulnerable. Be human._

You know something's wrong with you when you get called an asshole by your own conscience. But in all honesty, I deserved it. My conscience was right. The small part of my brain that had some clue about morals told me what I was doing was wrong – how I was treating her wasn't right.

I tried to stop. I tried to treat her like she was any woman; like she was just a colleague. When she'd first arrived, I could have been more welcoming. Maybe we could have been friends, and then, I'd have had my chance to ask her out... and where would we be now?

But _Edward Cullen_ doesn't do that. He doesn't go through the whole charade of romance, seducing, charming, pretending that the cliché traditions mean anything.

I was willing to let the girl I loved slip through my fingertips for my pride. _It was pathetic._

Edward Cullen didn't fall for women. Women fall for Edward Cullen. And yet, one insignificant person had the power to invade my thoughts, my dreams, everything I did... the fact they had that power was illogical.

I'd tried to get her to leave me alone. Maybe even persuade her to leave for good. I'd tried to act like a demeaning, controlling asshole that wanted nothing to do with her-

_You didn't have to try that hard._

-and yet every morning she'd turn up. Her long, pale legs sitting in her black, high-heeled shoes that _never _stopped clicking. No matter what I did, she wouldn't leave.

I only wished I was better for her. Strong enough to put my arrogance behind me and go through the motions for _her_ – but I didn't have a clue what to do. And that frightened me. I couldn't hold her hand whilst we walked down the pavement surrounded my moonlight. I couldn't hold her on the beach whilst we watched the waves roll in. I couldn't love her the way she needed to be loved.

The elevator rang, interrupting my thoughts as the doors opened slowly. A man I didn't recognise stepped into the office. Subconsciously, my eyes flickered towards Bella's door, but she hadn't come out to see who it was. Maybe she was distracted. The concentration she gave each report was more than I had ever expected.

The man walked towards my desk and handed me a garish yellow file. "I was wondering if you could give this to Isabella?"

Who calls her Isabella? _They're on first name terms. _Two different thought trains – it was only nine o'clock and already I had a headache.

"Of course."

"Tell her they're from _Mike_," he said, his own eyes glancing towards her door. At the gesture, I had to bite back a possessive growl that rose in my throat. Growl? _Cullen..._

_She's not yours._

So this was Mike. The first thing I couldn't help but notice, was that he was the complete opposite of me. Bright blonde hair, blue eyes and baby-faced, like he hadn't yet grown into a man...

I managed to get rid of him fairly quickly before he tried to strike up a conversation with me. As soon as he'd left the office, I strode towards her door.

I knocked quickly, hearing a loud crash inside her office.

The sooner I got this over with, the better.

I opened the door to see her sprawled across the floor, her skirt far higher than she probably intended it to be. "Seats are for sitting on Miss Swan," I said, biting back my smile. I leant against the doorframe, getting a much better view from this angle.

"You surprised me," a warm, innocent blush spread across her cheeks as she stumbled back to her seat. The emotion splashed over her face was one of my favourites. Her naivety was attractive.

Unfortunately for me, lust took over love. "Well, I should surprise you more often. You don't understand how appallingly delicious your legs look when your skirt is hitched up high by your thighs."

She rolled her eyes, her face, for once, looking tired. "Get out of my office Mr Cullen."

"And I was just getting started," I smiled cheekily, my voice light as I walked towards her desk. She was glaring at me, even as I leaned in closer. "I came to give you these," I put the large yellow file in front of her. "They're from Michael Newton. Although I was under strict orders from him that you should know him as _Mike_." I winked at her. "His number's on the back of the file."

_If looks could kill... _I didn't want to find out as I quickly walked back out of her office.

I couldn't help but stand outside her door, waiting for her anger to slowly subside. It was easy to tell. She'd fall into her chair, or she'd sigh angrily, before finally scribbling down some ideas onto paper.

Sometimes it was a good thing that the walls were so thin.

I heard her get up from her chair, followed by the cupboard door swinging open. She was getting some paper. _I was forgiven. For now._

I heard another thud on the floor of her office, and the sound of paper flying everywhere. That was either Bella falling over, or –

"Damn it." I heard her curse.

_Bella falling over_. I laughed quietly to myself. Balance never had been her forte, and the fact that every morning without fail, she would walk through the doors in those black high-heels, was something to be in awe of.

"You know what they say about eavesdroppers..."

I opened her door. "You're interesting to listen to," I retorted back, the smile clear in my words. She began picking up the files on the floor, and I couldn't help but watch her. The right thing to do would have been to help, but watching her bend down, her hands reaching for the files, her skirt sliding higher up her pale legs...

As she made her way towards her desk, never once looking at me, she turned her back. "If that's what you really think..." My expression froze as she reached for the yellow file, before flipping it over to the back.

"Hello, is _Mike _there?" she emphasised his name loudly. _Ignore the jealously – it'll go away. _"This is Bella Swan. I was just calling to see if he has a free moment in his schedule. There are a few questions I have about the file he sent over, and I'd love to meet up with him if he's available. Is it possible for you to arrange a time when we could have lunch together?"

I slammed her office door shut.

She wanted to have lunch with a blonde haired _kid_ who'd only just learnt his alphabet. She'd said _yes_ to him.

I closed my eyes quickly, hiding my pain. My breathing was erratic and jagged as I slumped in my office chair. I tried to reach for the papers blindly, but they slipped through my fingertips, scattering across the floor. "Shit," I muttered quietly to myself.

I needed to get a grip.

"Oh, tomorrow sounds lovely. Thank you so much for doing this, I really appreciate it."

_She's not yours._

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_Tuesday, 8.15am_

"Excuse me," I looked up from my desk at the voice. "I'm sorry to bother you, but is Isabella in yet by any chance?" I groaned internally as I saw the blonde kid standing opposite me again.

"No, she's not." I tried to hold back the bitterness from my voice, but I wasn't too successful. Unfortunately, he was too much of an optimist to notice. "Anything else I could help you with?"

"Actually-"

_I was being sarcastic._

"- there is one thing. Seeing as you work with her and all, I was wondering if you could give me an insight into her likes and dislikes. Maybe if you knew what colour she likes, where she goes for lunch, what she likes to eat... that sort of thing."

_Blue. The __café across the road with the small beamed windows and white lace curtains. A large cappuccino and a cheese sandwich._

"I don't. I'm sorry."

"Ah, that's too bad."

_Please leave now._

"Do you think she'd prefer flowers or chocolate?"

_Chocolate_. To match her eyes. "No, I don't." Now get the fuck away from me, and Bella.

"How about-"

"Look, I have a lot of work to be getting on with, and this is taking up a lot of my time. I don't mean to be rude, but could you please find someone else to answer your questions?"

His eyes widened in surprise. _Who the hell did he think he was? _He didn't have the right to ask me these questions, or to even assume that it was what she wanted.

"Besides, what do you think she'd say if she knew you were asking me these questions?"

"Are you implying anything there Mr Cullen?" his question became sour. "I have a pretty good idea who Isabella Swan is, and I think she'd appreciate me asking."

He thought she wanted him? "You're wrong."

"Oh really?"

I sighed angrily, my eyes narrowing at his. "She's not interested in you. There, I spelt it out for you. Now leave."

He laughed brightly. "She called my secretary to arrange a lunch date. You don't get more _obvious _than that."

_Date. _I couldn't let Bella go on a fucking _date _with him. He was verging on psychotic. Asking about her favourite colour, and where she went for lunch. For all I knew, he could have been asking how fast to move.

"As much as I love you both, there's no need for you to fight over me." Her voice was sweet and teasing as she stepped into the office. Her black high heels started clicking.

_How much had she heard? _was my instant fear. And I fell back into my seat, crossing my arms over my chest. There was nothing I could say now in front of them both. My eyes turned dark at Mike – warning him with a glance.

He ignored me, and moved his body subtly towards Bella.

"Hey Isabella."

She returned his smile, her voice kind. Her smile was forced – even I could see that – but it didn't calm my emotions. Regardless of whether she truly meant it, she had smiled at the blonde kid, and that was something she'd never done at me.

"I finished writing your report yesterday, but there are just a few things I want to go over and check because I'm not happy with them, so I'll have it on your desk by the end of the day."

As she moved towards his office, he followed. "That's great."

"So, what are you doing today? Don't you have reports to type up?"

_Thank God she was trying to get rid of him. _She doesn't like him.

"Not this morning," his voice was too bright. "I'm _completely _free, and I thought maybe... that we could arrange that lunch date?"

Fucking _date_. For it to be a 'date', the two people on it actually had to like each other. I had no doubt about his feelings towards her – and to be frank, you'd be an idiot not to feel that way for her. But her feelings for him were platonic. I was almost certain about that.

I was proved right when she flinched away from the word, and a smug satisfaction seeped through my thoughts.

"Sure," she said, her words spilling out too quickly. "I have to get some work done first. But how about I call you when I'm finished?" _I'd rather you didn't._

My satisfaction wore off quickly when I realised she was actually going on the date. Bella Swan, sitting opposite Michael fucking Newton over lunch.

I wanted to hurl.

"That'd be great, thank you!"

"Okay New- _Mike_. I'll see you later then."

His voice was sickly sweet and dripping with honey – which really wasn't helping with the whole _needing-to-puke _situation. Before he left, he fucking _waved. "_I'll see you too Isabella."

Even when he was leaving, he couldn't even get her name right. _Asshole_. He wanted to take her out to lunch, and he was calling her by a name I saw her flinch at.

"It's Bella." I hissed loudly, my hands curling around the sides of my desk as I imagined them eating lunch together again. She'd smile at him, and laugh warmly at something he said. He'd reach across the table and touch her arm gently, his face bright and expectant.

"What the hell are you on?" Bella asked quietly as she turned towards me, her body leaning against the door frame. Her eyes were watching mine patiently.

"He's insipid."

"So are you."

It was bad enough hearing comments like that from my conscience, but from Bella Swan? It was like a thousand knives penetrating my heart and causing a deep hole through the centre, letting the blood burst from the wound like an explosion of hatred, void of all compassion and love that I'd allowed to weaken myself...

Fuck it.

It hurt, okay?

"I thought you were better than him."

"Oh." Bella started laughing, and without another word she turned from me and swung the office door shut behind her. I leapt out of my seat, catching the door before it closed completely.

Bella Swan was laughing at me. "Miss Swan," I said through gritted teeth. "I wish you wouldn't laugh at me. Now... explain." I was standing too close to her, far closer than a colleague should stand to someone they work with.

The crown of her head was inches away from my mouth and had I leant my head forward, I could have pressed my lips into the top of her hair.

She ran her tongue over her lips again – always subconsciously.

"You're jealous." Her voice was shaking. She tried to cover it with a cough, but I rarely missed anything if was to do with her. Was she nervous? Did I make her nervous?

She quickly took a step away from me and made her way to her desk. As she sat down, her face was composed, her features smooth.

I could see the shadows forming around her eyes, like she'd been awake far too long. Her face looked tired, and her eyes held an air of defeat around them. Like she was tired of dealing with life... tired of dealing with me.

"You're wrong." I said quietly. I only want to protect you.

She laughed once more, her head shaking from side to side. "_She's not interested in you_," she imitated my voice. Then she laughed again... at me. "You're jealous that he's managed to get me to say yes, where you've been failing for the last few years."

_Fuck me. _Bella Swan was right... yet again. Only this time, she didn't see the bigger picture. She didn't see that I was getting her to say yes to the lust, but yes to the love as well.

"The difference is merely what you're saying yes to."

"Implying anything there Mr Cullen?" she question was bright. "Because if you were, let's just say that I certainly wouldn't have a problem saying yes if _he _were to ask. You, still remain to be a different matter."

I knew there were times when I took it to far, but this time, I had to fault in it. Bella took her words to far. Ignorance aside, she told me she'd say yes to him – all the while leaving out what she was saying yes to.

But it wasn't hard to guess. She wouldn't say yes to me.

"Now, as much as you like me Mr Cullen, I do in fact have a lot of work to do. So I'd appreciate it if you weren't in my office. As much as I enjoy your company, I don't want the honour at the moment."

_If I told you I loved you, would you still shove me out of your office?_

She wouldn't say yes. "What made you think I was going to stay?" I retorted, and yet again, she ran her tongue over her red lips.

"Goodbye, Mr. Cullen."

If I were to ask, she wouldn't say yes. "I have another report for you." Why the hell couldn't see she how I felt? Maybe if I blurted it out, maybe if I told her I loved her, she'd see it. But even then, I couldn't see the cliché happy ending that a part of me wanted.

She'd laugh at me.

"If you're just trying to bombard me with work so I can't go on my lunch _date_, then don't bother. You're going the wrong way about it."

"I'm not trying to stop you." _Liar. _"But it's a report I need done."

"Well, leave it in my box and when I _have _got the time, I'll have a look at it."

"Thank you." My voice was grateful, and at the sound, her brown eyes darted up to mine in surprise. "It would mean a lot to me if you could. It's an easy write for you – only five thousand words. Thanks Bella, I owe you." I smiled warmly, before turning and shutting the door to her office.

"It's _Isabella _to you!" she shouted after me.

I wondered how long her anger would take to subside this time.

As I fell back into my chair and I grabbed the first report on the pile, I realised my printer was out of paper. _Was it too soon? _I'd just given her a five thousand word report, so she wasn't going to be the warmest of people to be in a room with.

_Coward._

From inside her office, I heard the creak of the chair as she reclined back on it. She was calmer now – I knew that much – and there was nothing like living life on the dangerous side.

I knocked quietly on her door, my breath held as I waited for her reply. It only took a few short seconds. "Come in."

I just wanted to borrow some printer paper." My voice was timid – half expecting her to demand I leave. But yet again, she surprised me.

"Be my guest," she gestured towards the cupboard. She didn't even look up from her papers to let me see her eyes. With my thoughts perturbed, I slouched down by the cabinet and began to search for the right paper.

Then, as my eyes flickered towards her desk, hoping finally for a glimpse of her eyes, I realised that if I sat _right here_, I had the perfect view of her.

Her black shoes, her pale legs, her waist, her-"

"Mr Cullen..." she started to say, and my eyes flashed back towards the paper in my hands before she could catch me staring. "Who wrote this article?"

"Hmm?" I'm currently pretending to be engrossed in which colour paper. Are you convinced?

"The report," her voice was impatient. "Who wrote it?"

_Such pale legs_. I wonder if they felt like velvet when you touched them. Bella's legs. Velvet. Touch. Pale.

Level four. Someone on level four.

"Oh, right, the report." I dropped my papers suddenly, forcing myself to concentrate. _Don't stare at her legs. _If you stare at the bridge of someone's nose, they still think they're looking at you. "A novice down on level four. Apparently it was for page thirty four if that explains everything." I shrugged, trying to act casual as I turned back to the cabinet.

Concentrate on the paper.

_Bella. _Paper. _Bella. _Paper. _Bella. _Paper.

_Bella._

My eyes flickered over my shoulder, watching her sigh in frustration over the article. Her shirt shifted a little at the movement, and the low V became more pronounced. I thanked God that the first two buttons were undone.

My glance trailed downwards, unable to help themselves, until they reached the black, deadly shoes.

I had a love-hate relationship with those shoes. One that was hard to reason with.

I hated them because of the noise they made. And I loved them... my eyes darted towards her pale legs... because they were hers.

"Mr Cullen, do you think it's possible for a dog to smile?" She looked up suddenly from her papers, not giving me a chance to look away. Her eyes hardening as she saw me staring directly at her legs.

Caught. Red. Handed.

She grabbed the nearest thing from her desk and threw it towards me. The rubber caught me straight in the forehead, and I fell backwards, losing my balance.

"Hey!"

"Get out of my office."

I stumbled to my feet, my eyes angry. She'd just thrown a rubber at me. "I haven't got my paper."

"Well, how about you tell me what paper you want? I'll find it, and then I'll come and give it to you. That way, you don't have to spend a good half an hour sat holding two different colours of paper in your hand, and I don't have to listen to you breathe."

She wouldn't say yes to me. "If I'm _that _much of a nuisance, why do you even work here?" he retorted. _Death sentence number one._

"How should that be any of your business?" She pushed past me and moved to pick up the papers that were now scattered on the floor around me.

Maybe I could lighten the air. Maybe it'd be a good idea."

"You know, when you bend down like that..." _Death sentence number two._

"Will you stop? Stop with all the innuendos and the stupid flirting." she shouted, and I flinched away from the tone of her voice. She stood up straight and slammed the papers against my chest. In a twisted way, it was a massive turn on.

Her shirt was riding up against her waist, but that wasn't what caught my attention the most. In this moment, she looked beautiful. Her eyes were blazing with such a powerful intensity, her hair was caught in the sunlight... "I don't like you!"

The harsh truths of reality hit me, and the image faded quickly.

"Especially when you yell at me, then give me a ridiculously long report with an absurd deadline, and then comment on how good my legs look!"

She took a deep breath, struggling to calm herself down and she dropped her hand away from my chest quickly. My body missed the contact. "I'm going to say it again. Get out of my office Mr Cullen."

"No." _Death sentence number three._

Silence filled the gap between us. I was stubborn by nature – Bella knew that. And she'd also know that I wasn't going to leave easily.

"Are you kidding me?"

"You don't understand _me _Miss Swan. Well... I don't understand _you_."

"I don't want you to understand me," I said angrily. "I just want you to get the hell out of my office. How can one person be such an _asshole_?"

Quick as a flash, my hand darted out and caught her wrist. I pulled her closer towards me, my eyes darkening. Her breath caught in the back of her throat. "Don't you _dare _talk to me like that."

"Get your hand off me," she breathed quickly, and as I glanced down towards her, my jaw taut with anger, I saw her eyes filled with fear. _Death sentence number four._

It was only seeing the panic in her eyes that I realised what I'd done.

_And you wondered why she wouldn't say yes to you..._

My grasp immediately loosened, and I took a step away from her, my body locked in terror. I'd hurt her. I'd fucking reached out and grabbed her arm. I couldn't be here – not now – not with her so close to me. "I'm sorry," I pushed the words out of my lips as I turned and fled from her office.

_I think you handled that marvellously._

I hate you, conscience.

_Oh, but I love you._

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**AN – **Thank you to all the readers who've continued to read this story after 'Red'. I wanted to give you a little insight into the weirdly wonderful perspective of Edward Cullen and his outlook on life. I got a lot of reviews questioning the reason behind Edward's anger in 'Red', and hopefully this explains a lot of what Bella couldn't understand.

Once again, I owe far too much to my readers.

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**Reviews = Cookies**


	2. Forgiveness

**Chapter 2**

**Forgiveness**

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_Tuesday, 1.35pm_

_You went too far._

No shit_,_ I thought bitterly to myself as I shoved a stack of papers into a cabinet. The movement was too forceful, too motivated by anger, and the papers crinkled against the wall of the cupboard.

_You claim you love her. _I do love her.

_Then act like you do._

"Hey Mike," I heard her call sweetly from inside her office. At the sound of his name, my fists instinctively clenched into fists. I was pushing her away countless times, only to push her towards him. It was sick. "I was wondering if we could still meet up for lunch."

_She's doing it to get away from you._ The voice in the back of my head wouldn't shut up. It never would, and today, it was being especially vocal.

It told me everything I didn't want to admit to myself.

"No, it's fine Mike. Besides, I need to get out of the office. What level are you on again?"

Was I honestly that bad? I didn't even have to hear the answer the voice told me. Once again, I already knew. Yes, I was that bad. I hurt her, countless times again, most of the time without realising it until it was too late. I needed to stop acting like a child. She was going to meet up with him. She was choosing him over me.

"Ok, I'll see you in a few."

The pencil in my hand snapped in two as she stepped out of her office, her deadly black shoes clicking against the tiles of the office. Her face looked flustered, her cheeks a warm pink, and her chocolate brown eyes were turned away from me.

She wouldn't even look at me.

"Don't get run over." The words were muttered under my breath as I tried to keep my eyes away from her shoes. She wasn't meant to hear it, but knowing my luck, it always seemed to be turned against me. If she wasn't talking to me, did I have the right to be bitter back? _Not if you caused her to ignore you in the first place. God Cullen, so much for graduating from Harvard._

"I'll try not to," she called back lightly as she pressed the button on the elevator. The lights were counting up from floor three, then floor seven, floor eight...

I still hadn't moved an inch. She was standing opposite the elevator, her back turned, her touchable hair catching the sunlight as she shifted her weight onto her other leg. I didn't have the right to be bitter to her.

Fuck it. I should apologise.

The logic was stupid, but it forced me out of my chair like no other words could have done.

"Miss Swan, wait." I blurted out as the elevator doors opened and she stepped inside. I saw her press the button, not even contemplating holding the doors.

For that short moment, luck was kind to me, and I slipped in just before the doors closed. "I just wanted to apologise."

She laughed coldly, her red lips forming a dark smirk. "Again?"

I brushed the comment off lightly; I didn't have time to question the meaning behind it. She was almost at his floor.

"So, you and Mike huh?" That was about as subtle as I got. As Alice pointed out, I didn't speak very much, but when I did, I didn't restrain what I felt. To her, I was far too blunt for my own good.

"No," she replied seriously. "We're friends. It's possible for a male and female to know each other and not be head over heels in love with each other."

With every word, she only sank deeper into her own ignorance. I wished she could just see, maybe even comprehend how I truly felt towards her. But it was almost as if she didn't _want _to see it.

She didn't even try.

_This isn't her fault Cullen._

I exhaled deeply. "It's also possible for one person to be in love with another, and the other to be completely oblivious." Did she see? Did she understand? I met her eyes, imploring her to see the truth. I heard her breath catch in the back of her throat from the intensity of my gaze... did she see? I knew I confused her. I pushed her away, and then, for reasons beyond her, I apologised for my own actions, accepting her even further into my heart again. The cycle was only getting worse.

"You think Mike's _in love _with me?" she gasped, her eyes turning cold. She hadn't caught her breath at the suggestion I loved her. My heart sunk.

_You have now arrived on level seven._

As the doors opened on Mike's floor, not giving me any time to even dwell on her assumption, she finally met my eyes. They were dark and furious, her lips formed into a tight cold line. She let out a short, bitter laugh.

"What the hell would you know about love?" Then she left. Just like that.

The doors closed.

_What the hell _do _you know about love? _Watching her walk away from me, eyes dark, face set into a cold mask, I knew nothing. I loved her. And yet every time I came close to even telling her that, she turned her back. She was walking away from me, towards someone else. I punched the number to the floor, and the elevator jerked upwards in response. _She thinks you hate her._

Maybe I was a coward for not telling her. I was afraid of what she'd say... how she'd perceive me. All she's known is anger from me.

No doubt I'd get slapped and she'd tell me to stop messing with her.

_You've now arrived on level twelve._

As I reached my desk, I grabbed the most recent report, my hands gripping the paper far too tightly. I tried to concentrate on the words and the article in front of me, but my thoughts were a mess. I threw the article down and started pacing. I needed to calm down... maybe wait for inspiration to strike. I needed to get her eyes out of my mind. She was with someone else. As I stopped by the window, I ran my fingers through my hair before exhaling. The street was quiet – just like I wished my mind could be. I stared closer towards the few heads of the people milling around the road. There was a woman with distinctively unforgettable brown hair, who was hanging onto the arm of a blond guy.

My mouth dropped. As I followed them up to the doors of the cafe, their eyes met and he smiled warmly towards her. She smiled back, flicking her hair over her shoulder.

That should be me.

They took their seats in the small café together. He held the door open for her, his sleazy, intoxicated eyes gazing all-too fondly at her as she sashayed past him, her hips rocking gently with her pace of walking. On an errant thought, I wondered if she'd chosen the place on purpose. She knew I'd want to know what had happened, and what better than to let me watch from an office window. As I saw them laughing together, it was the final straw, and I pushed away from the window before flipping my phone out of my pocket. There was only one person I was going to call, and judging how today was going, I probably should have called her a lot sooner.

_Where was Tanya when I needed her?_

As I reached her name in the phonebook, I jammed on the green call button, before running a hand through my hair and pacing... _again_.

"Hello?" her deep, sleep-filled voice drawled down the phone, and I closed my eyes, fighting back the emotions fighting inside of me; the guilt that I was calling her, and the thrill of what she'd bring.

"Hey darlin'."

I could hear the smile in her voice as she laughed quietly on the end of the line. "What time do you want me?"

_Don't do this._

My fingers tightened in my hair, and I shook the thought away. I needed something to distract me, and with Bella fawning over a blonde haired kid with an excessive amount of hair gel and the remains of ache splattered across his face, it wasn't doing wonders for my ego.

_Tell her how you feel. Put your heart at rest. And you won't need Tanya._

What... and try explaining a black eye to my parents in the process?

_You're risking losing the one you 'love' for a black eye. You really are pathetic._

"Soon," I stressed, my voice luring her as once again, my eyes flickered back towards the café. To my right, the elevator chimed, and as the doors opened slowly, my gaze darted towards it curiously. Bella couldn't be back yet.

"Is this soon enough?" she was leant against the side of the elevator, her arms folded across her shirt and from where I was standing, the top five buttons were already undone. As she saw me, she closed the lid of her phone and slipped it into her pocket, the corners of her lips rising into a dangerous smile.

As I looked down her body, I saw she was wearing high-heeled shoes.

"Take your shoes off," I said calmly, before perching on the edge of my desk as I watched her saunter towards me. She did so without asking, hooking them through her finger as a seductive grin flashed across her face.

"Like this?"

She took another step towards me, and then another, and another, until she was standing in between my legs, her palms flat against my thigh.

"Perfect," I grinned, my hands catching her hips as she fell towards me.

_Liar._

She pulled my jaw towards hers before crashing her lips against mine. I could feel her lipstick smudging against my face. As she slipped her tongue into my mouth, she pushed me further onto the desk, before climbing on top of me, her shirt falling fully open. As I opened my eyes slightly, I tried to imagine the deep chocolate brown eyes staring back at me, and the lips under my own as softer, more naturally red ones. As I braided my hand in her hair, I tried to imagine the brunette curls slipping over my fingers, softer than velvet.

Tanya's tanned hand slipped inside my shirt, and I tried to imagine it paler, more delicate... fragile almost.

_You never had to imagine._

_You could've had the real thing._

_

* * *

_

_Tuesday, 3.30pm_

My tongue was jammed down Tanya's throat, and my hand was buried deep in front of her shirt when I heard something clatter to the floor behind us. It pulled me from my lustful haze like a bullet, and my eyes shot up from Tanya's flushed face to see Bella, cheeks just as red, as she tried to unlock her office door as quickly as possible.

She was embarrassed.

And God damn it, I felt _guilty_.

Tanya's hand wrapped around my cheek, dragging my eyes away from Bella's as my hands gripped her waist a little tighter. It felt far too frail under my fingers; like she spent her life with a measuring tape strapped around it.

I heard Bella's office door shut as Tanya let her fingers tug at my hair, and her lips met mine once again. She tasted of cigarettes and cheap booze, and her mouth was coarse against my own – something that I wished, countless times, I didn't have to settle for.

I knew that bringing Tanya up to my office would do this; Bella would retreat into her office, embarrassed and yet so conceited as to believe I was still the person she'd dubbed me as when she first walked through the elevator doors. And I would be crushed against Tanya, her rough fingers moving over my body as the guilt soared deep in the pit of my stomach.

I wasn't cheating on Bella; I just wished there was some way I could tell my heart that.

"Let's go someplace else," I whispered, my lips at the base of her collarbone. I flashed her a quick, alluring smile and her face lit up with the mention that I was even considering wanting to do anything more with _her_, caught by my lie so easily that it was almost laughable. Using Tanya like this wasn't fair on her in the slightest, but as I told myself all too willingly, she wasn't complaining. Besides, my moral conscience only decided to be vocal when Bella was in the room.

It wasn't all that impressed with Tanya.

I touched her arm gently, letting her know I'd be right back as I turned towards Bella's office door, determined not to let whatever she would say to me get in the way of sex with Tanya. Bella was just a woman, and one that I'd managed to keep my hands off for far too many years. I could do it then, and I could do it now.

"Tanya and I are going out for a bit," I stumbled over my words in an effort to get them out quickly. Maybe if I didn't look at her, the guilt wouldn't feel so sickening. "Do you want me to send up some staff from level two?"

She smiled all too angelically back. "No, that's fine. I was just finishing that report you asked me to write for you."

Instinctively, my eyes shot up to hers at the danger lurking behind her voice and almost instantly I realised my mistake.

_I'd looked at her._

"I'll be back in an hour." I turned on my heel and grabbed the door so forcefully I wouldn't have been surprised if some of the paint fractured under my palm. Before I could open it fully, she placed her hand on my shoulder.

Her palm felt warm through my shirt.

"I just wanted you to know that you are one hell of a hypocrite." Then, she opened the door fully and with a shove, she pushed me out into the foyer before slamming it behind me.

I couldn't help the growl that rumbled deep in my chest in anger as I stormed towards the elevator, barely noticing how my hand slipped around Tanya's hip, clutching her to my side. As the doors opened and I punched the button for the ground floor, I felt her arms around my neck and her lips against my shoulder. My fingers tightened around her waist, and I pushed her against the elevator wall as my lips crushed to hers.

But as I kissed her, I only felt Bella's mouth, soft against my own. As my hands wound in her hair, it was all Bella's.

And as she whispered my name gently, I only heard Bella's voice.

* * *

_Tuesday, 4.50pm_

"We should do that again," she flashed me a dangerous smirk as she straightened her top. I tried not to flinch as she pressed her lip to my cheek, and again, I tried to suppress the guilt as she sighed from my reaction and left without another parting gesture.

The remorse for using Tanya as a way of letting go of the anger that built up inside of me every time I saw Bella. The remorse for pushing Bella away through a temper I couldn't control, and then, and only then when I saw the pain deep in her eyes did I try to apologise until the words sounded dead, and lifeless.

I wish I could stop.

_A hypocrite. _Did I agree with her?

Although at the moment, that wasn't the question my thoughts were focused on. I only wanted to know _why _she thought that, and through far too many past experiences, I knew the best way to go about finding out.

"I'm not a hypocrite," I stated as I opened her office door, not bothering to knock. She was bent over her computer and her hair was scattered haphazardly across her face as she frantically typed away at her computer. Her gaze flashed up from her desk towards me, one eyebrow raised as slowly, and reluctantly, she pulled her office glasses off.

She wet her lips as I prepared my ego for the pain it was about to go through.

"If Mike's _insipid_, then what's Tanya?" she smiled coldly towards me, her eyes dancing with amusement as she threw her glasses down on the desk in front of her. Then, she leant back in her chair and folded her arms casually across her chest. _From her stance, I already knew she'd won. _"You thought I could do better than Mike... but at least I didn't _use_ him. I know the person that he is, and I've spent time with him and I've _talked _to him."

I shook my head, my jaw tight as I tried to control the temptation just to lash out at her with cold, bitter remarks. "Her favourite colour's pink." _She wore it a lot... right? _"She likes roses and the smell of candles, and her birthday is November 4th."

"Your favourite colour's green," she grinned smugly as she raised her eyebrows once more, daring me to disagree with her. "You like white orchids and the smell of strawberries. Your birthday is June 20th and you'll be twenty three next year."

She someone told her, or she'd heard a rumour from Kate, or-

_Fuck._

"Does that mean I like you?" she pulled me from my thoughts, now entirely dominated by her casual mention of _strawberries_, by another question. "Does that mean that I would willingly talk to you?"

_Strawberries. _"How did you know?" I asked bluntly, as she stared back at me in confusion. I thought I'd been so careful about it, with good reason. _Obviously. _It was embarrassing. "That I liked the smell of strawberries?"

"I found my shampoo in your desk drawer."

My teeth grit, and my eyes narrowed towards her; caught fucking red handed._ Maybe if I tried to pass it off as her mistake... _"You looked through my drawer?"

"You stole my shampoo?" _... no chance. _She wasn't going to let me crawl out of it so easy. A smirk twitched at the corners of her red lips, and her gaze turned almost malicious as she stared back at me, victory plastered across her expression.

She thought she knew who I was.

"My favourite colour isn't green," I said finally, not finding the heart to try and cover up my mistake, or hide the fact that I liked how she smelt. If she brought it up again I could disguise it with superfluous flattery. "It's brown."

She didn't look up from her desk at my comment, and no doubt by this stage she'd already tuned out from what I was saying to her. But I needed to keep going; for her sake as much as mine.

"Because it's the colour of your eyes."

I wasn't entirely sure what made me say what I did, and as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I left her office, red faced and with a stomach full of nerves. Maybe Alice had slipped me some crazy shit for breakfast in order to get me to finally admit how I felt about her, and I wouldn't have put it past her to try that.

But in all honesty, I'd said it to her because I'd _wanted_ to say it.

I wanted to give her compliments she deserved, rather than the usual sexual, lust-filled suggestions that she shook her head over with a dry laugh.

As I turned back towards my desk, my thoughts were still consumed with what I'd admitted to her; subconsciously. I knew that the small, pink bottle was still stashed at the bottom of my drawer, under several files and stationery where I thought she would never find.

She'd never believe me if I told her that my compliment was genuine.

I shook my head with a sigh as I grabbed a post-it-note from off my desk, before fishing around in my drawer for the harmless bottle of shampoo.

_Since you weren't going to let me smell your hair, I had to buy what you used._

_Edward_

Then I walked back towards her office door and sat the bottle down on her desk. Before I'd even turned to leave again, she was laughing, the sound no longer cold. Yes, she was laughing at me, but more importantly she was _laughing_. She wasn't angry.

"I'm serious, you really need to stop handing out compliments so freely," she called from inside as I pressed my cheek to her office door, catching each word. "I know that eventually you're just going to take them all back."

I opened her office door as I leant my body against the doorframe, my eyes watching her carefully. "What makes you so sure?" I asked slyly as she slid her dark framed work glasses off her nose... the ones that made her skin look even softer and whiter.

"What if I told you that I'd arranged to see Mike again?" she pursed her lips, her expression falling back into her signatory smug grin of victory. _I really needed to start winning our arguments_. "What would you say then? Perhaps you'd comment on my taste in men, and say how ridiculous that is. Or maybe you'd make a stab at Mike. Oh, and whilst you're at it, why don't you just give me another report to do?"

I wrinkled my nose in disgust. "Are you going to see him again?"

_Fucking blonde kid that has yet to hit puberty catches her attention and she won't even look twice at me. _Am I supposed to take pointers from him in how to impress her?

I recoiled at the thought.

"Perhaps," she twirled her work glasses between her fingers as subconsciously, she wet her lips. "Although, I don't see why it should be any of your concern. I mean... about who I choose to _date_."

She paused to let her words truly sink in, and all of a sudden, regardless of what I'd just eaten for lunch, I felt like I wanted to hurl. Just the image of his greasy hands over her and I could taste the vomit in my mouth.

I didn't own her, but _fuck_, she couldn't date him.

Could she?

"Date?" I questioned, wishing that by some malfunction of my mind I'd heard her wrong. I wasn't ready to accept that there wasn't a chance she could love me back, let alone the fact she could date other people.

"Are you going to take the compliment back yet?"

I couldn't help my bitter thoughts leaking into my speech, and I used her own words against her. "Perhaps," I said nonchalantly, my eyes watching her as she moved from her desk towards the printer. She didn't reply back as she stapled the freshly printed sheets of paper together, before handing them to me with a bright smile.

"Finished." She beamed as she grabbed her coat off her chair. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going home early."

_Let me go with you. _"You really typed all of this up?" I forced myself to focus on the papers I was holding in my hands and not the woman who was in arms reach, her white blouse staring dangerously back at me.

She rolled her beautiful, brown eyes and her lips pulled up into a coy smile. "No, those are eight pages of hate letters I wrote to you."

As my gaze met hers, I stared back at her, desperately trying to see why she'd even take the time to write such a ludicrous report that no doubt she could've handed on to another level. But her face was blank.

All my life I'd relied on being a good judge of character, and I could see people's faults and weaknesses almost instantly. I could read women like I had a handbook in my back pocket, and although it wasn't something I was proud of, it had helped me more than I could put into words.

But her poker face was a door I didn't have a key for.

"Thank you," I said softly, trying to make it sound as genuine as physically possible, because it _was _genuine. Just like the compliment that she was so quick to brush off.

As a blush flooded across her cheeks at my words, I thought, for one flash of a second, that I might have gotten her to believe me. "You're welcome." She said, all too hurriedly as she tried to push past me. I touched her shoulder, and at the gesture, she spun around, her eyes all too wild for someone who was usually so composed.

Had I done this to her? "I mean, I'm really grateful. I just want you to know that." I didn't want to lay it on too thick, but I couldn't help but gloat in the moment. She'd listened to me. She'd seen me for someone that wasn't a self-conceited egoist, and even for that brief moment, it was worth it.

There was just one last thing I had to say to her before she left. I knew that it probably wouldn't cause the most favourable of reactions, but it was part of who I was to say the wrong thing or to step in other people's businesses. And ever since she'd worked as my colleague, regardless of whether she'd wanted to be, she _was _my business.

I had one shot to talk about this with her, and right now, when her thoughts seemed less hostile towards me, was as good as any time.

"Don't date Mike."

She froze at my words, and her eyes turned to me in confusion, almost as if she hadn't understood what I'd said. "What?"

"Please don't date him."

She shrugged out of my touch, and her eyes narrowed towards me. At that one expression, I knew that already, speaking to her about this was wasted air. "Why?"

_Because I fucking love you, and if you choose him over me, my ego might not make it out alive. _I shook my head at her question, and instinctively, I turned away from her, struggling to control the mess my thoughts were in.

"Don't date Tanya."

My eyes flashed back to hers. Why would she have something against Tanya? ... apart from being a victim to walking in to the sight of her backside. "Tanya's my friend."

"So is Mike."

"It's not the same."

She smiled all too widely, her red lips pulling back over her pure white teeth. "Oh what, because I haven't _kissed _Mike? Is that the difference?" she pulled her bag further up her shoulder as she shot me a cold look. "I am allowed to have relationships outside of this office, Mr. Cullen."

If her patronising tone wasn't enough to scare the shit out of me, then the mention of my surname was certainly a pointer in that direction. I'd yet again managed to fuck things up pretty successfully; when all I'd wanted was a tame conversation where we talked as adults about the disadvantages of being in a relationship with slimy, blonde haired kids.

Before I could stop myself, I asked a question out loud that my thoughts were fixated on. "You haven't kissed him?"

She laughed coldly as she took a step away from me, putting more distance between us. "Why the fuck do you care?" her question was laced with acrimony, and I flinched away from her tone, not realising how horrendous my timing of bringing it up actually was.

"Bella-"

"Mr Cullen, I wish you would stop telling me what to do." The formality was back in her voice, and over her shoulder, she shot me a cold smile as she pushed past into the foyer. As I followed her, scrambling about in my mind for a way to apologise, the elevator doors opened and Satan in a blonde wig and a face covered in ache walked out.

"Hey Mike!" Bella's face changed in an instant, her brown eyes filling with a vibrancy I wanted to be the cause of. "Are you leaving?"

He shot her a cheeky grin as he stopped beside her, his hands still buried deep in his pockets. "I was wondering if I could walk you down."

I snorted at his comment as I pushed past the all-too-happy couple and sank into my office chair. If she was going to leave with him, then she needed to leave pretty fucking quickly, because my will power was pretty hideous in the first place, and with Mike being in the room, it was virtually non-existent.

"What's his problem?" Mike called loudly as he stared at me obviously, making sure he knew that I'd heard him. Bella laughed warmly at his question, the sound so much more appealing than the cold laugh she'd offered me in her office.

"I have no idea," she replied dryly. Then she tilted her head towards the elevator door, no doubt counting down the seconds till she was free from my presence. She held out her hand for him to take shyly, knowing that from where I was sitting, I could see every gesture and touch.

As he took it, she moved closer towards him to lean against his side, and his grin increased tenfold. It only made me want to punch him even more. His arm wrapped around her waist, his greasy fingers clutching her waist all too tightly and they walked towards the elevator.

That should've been me.

"Miss Swan, do you listen to anything I say?" I called after them both, my eyes begging her to listen. _Please don't do this._

But I only saw the defiance and determination of her gaze staring back at me, and with a cruel smirk back, my heart clenched inside my chest as her hand wrapped around his cheek, and she pulled his mouth towards hers.

* * *

**AN - **... :O. Hopefully this is helping everyone to understand just exactly what was running through Edward's mind in "Red". Yes, he's fickle. Yes, he doesn't know how to act around Bella. But you know what they say... people do crazy things when they're in love.

* * *

**Reviews = Cookies**


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